By Christine Mulvihill
My final story begins at the age of fifteen at home and in the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO)
Omg I miss you all so much. I can't believe this happened, I'm still so shocked! I've never ever had anything like this happen before, but please don't worry, I'm going to be okay.
I'm not sure what Rachel has told you but Tuesday morning I woke up and had a seizure. I was totally freaked out and I had two more seizures following the first one. After my CAT SCAN and MRI the doctors discovered I have a brain tumor, which caused my seizures. I really don't want you guys to worry about me, I should be fine. I'm on medication and I'm home for a while. After my CAT Scan on Thursday they will be sure what kind of tumor it is, they think it is lymphoma, but unless the tumor shrinks by Thursday they will have to do a biopsy. If they must do a biopsy then they might have to cut my hair off. I don't know if it is because of the head tests but my hair is already a couple of inches shorter.
But I really don't want you guys to worry about me, I will be fine if the tumor shrinks by Thursday then I can start radiation soon and start getting better. I feel so bad that I can's see you guys, I miss you all soo much. I'm so sad that I can't see you guys, I miss camp already. I'm soo disappointed that I won't be there. I really hope that I can see you all really soon, I hope you guys have fun at camp Aren. Without me, tell Alex I'm sorry I won't get to see him but as soon as I get better I will come to Toronto and I'll visit all of you. If I'm lucky I won't have to go through chemotherapy and treatment will only take about 9 months and I can go to school most of the time. I think as long as I take my medication and relax then I should be okay.
I don't want to upset you guys and I hope you will have a great time at camp. Call me from camp if you guys get the chance, I want to talk to you guys and make sure you send me lots of pictures, you all better have fun and pass level 3 for me. Well you guys better have a good time, I want lots of stories when you get back. Remember, be as Christian as possible and don't let Jill push you around, gets old man!
Well I better get going, the med is making me sleepy and my arms are so bruised from needles you'd think I was a battered orphan.
Remember Kids Play Safe!
Luv ya all!
Baby C 4 life
It's Never Going to Be Alright
Some things you never get over
Sometimes the moon just won’t shine
The pain will never leave you
And nothin’ ever looks fine.
It’s never gonna' be alright
Cryin’ in the dark again tonight
Just leave me alone
And unplug the phone
I’m never gonna’ be alright.
You split my heart in two
Now I’m loathing you
No one here to see me through
Now the love is lost
Because you played your game
Now you just piss me off
Don’t wanna’ speak your name.
But when I see your face
The love is haunting me
I’m such a big disgrace
My body is stung and I feel unplugged
If only I had the words to say
How I miss you babe and I’m never gonna’ to be alright.
But I’m righteous and shy
So I’ll just say goodbye
Bite my lip
Hold my tongue
Because I’m never gonna’ be alright.
So Now I lay Me Down to Cry
As the sounds of my music fill my mind
The words for my anger I cannot find,
As the tears fill my eyes
My broken heart I can't disguise.
I stand strong
But only for so long,
My insides are splitting at the seams
You stabbed a knife through my heart & shattered my dreams.
You tell me not to cry, it will be okay
How can you understand if you've never been tortured this way,
Don't hold my hand and tell me it will be alright
While you lay soundly, I cry myself to sleep every night.
The path seems foggy in my blurry sight
I won this battle before but I don't know how long I can fight,
My eyes are swollen
My heart is broken.
Like sand, the grains of my faith are slipping through my fingers
I'm being pulled under by blocks of cinder,
Going under the oceans of depression
Drowning in the constant fight for my obsession.
My desire is to be normal, just to be wanted
I'd try with all my heart, just to be teased and taunted,
As soon as things seem to go my way
Another bomb drops and I'm cast astray.
Everything in life just seams so unfair
Some struggle endlessly while others coast without care.