A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill
My name is Christine Mulvihill and I am a 15 year old cancer survivor. I thought that after I was discharged from the hospital everything would be normal or even sort of normal, but that’s not how this story goes. You see, somewhere through all this my soul has been scared and a curse cast upon myself, a curse I will take to my grave.
When I was about three my summer and childhood was cut short when I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I can’t remember all the details or even how I got to the hospital but I was with my grandma and she noticed the lack of color in my face, and just like that I went from normal little girl to a small body in a hospital bed with lines and tubes running through my body.
I had no idea then just how much this would impact my life.
My story begins at the age of three at the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO)
Sitting in my hospital bed with the sounds of people crying and other children screaming out in pain and agony echoing through my head. But through the pain and suffering there was always someone there to keep me company.
Aside from my parents and family who were by my side the entire 3 years never giving up hope, my grandmother, a retired nurse herself, was a very special person; she always knew that I would overcome my illness. Every day she would take me to the chapel in the hospital and I would stare at the enormously realistic wood carved statue of Jesus. I would ask “even though you look like you are in more pain than me, can you ask your father to help me.”
Then my grandmother and I would go back to my room and say this prayer together;
And now I lay me down to sleep
I pray you lord my soul to keep
But if I shall die before I wake
I pray you Lord my soul to take.
As I grew with age I also grew my faith.
Each day is a gift from you, a new chance to do better, a chance to learn from our mistakes and a chance to make new ones.
God, you give us the power to shape the day according to our own will, please help us shape this day in Your Image.
And from time to time I would ask God to help me and save others in need.
Dear God, hold my hand until I die
Bless us all young or old
Sick or healthy
Good or bold
Bless us all lost or found
Lonely or miserable
And drive all hatred to the ground.
Save me from my hatred and fears
Save me from my lake of tears
Hold my hand while I scream and cry
Hold my hand until I die.
Only your love can save us now
Only your love can show us how
How to get rid of our hatred and pain
How to accept the sick and insane.
Help us to find your light in the dark
Help us to you in our hearts
In our world today, nothing will ever be the same
We’re too caught up in fashion and fame
Too many times we make a mockery of your name.
If I could have one wish of choice
I would ask you to let us rejoice
Rejoice in all our differences and similarities
Help the sick and people with imparities
Help us to be the people you made
Help us to cherish the things you gave.
And If I am to die in my sleep tonight
I would pray for you to make the world right
Save them lord big or small
Save them lord save them all!
And in the end, God helped me save myself.
I Once was Lost
Here I am drowning in the sea
A sea of everything I don't want to be
A sea of all my failures and mistakes
A sea of my tears and splitting headaches.
Waves of sorrow wash over my face
I go under with a silent grace
I fall down deeper in my depression
Deeper and deeper into my obsession.
I'm overwhelmed with all my faults
My skin is burning from the salts
Salts of what I could have been
If only I could have seen
What the future has in store
How soon I would reach the shore.
Now my storm dried up in the sun
Maybe I am a lucky one.
Now I'm walking on water because I have Faith
This tortuous dungeon I have escaped
I hold His hand as He walks me to land
I bend down and kiss the merciful sand.
So happy to have found happiness again
Now the sun overpowers the rain
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
I once was lost but now am found.