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You Push and I Fall

A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill

Mom I wish I could be that dancer
I wish I never heard of cancer
I wish I was that girl everyone wants to be
I wish the ones who are closest weren’t the ones to leave.

I wish we could just pick up the phone
I wish I didn’t feel so alone.
I wish you could just love me faults and all
Every yell is a push, you push and I fall

Fall into reality, this haunting depression
Into tears & pain and my obsession.
I live in a world where my dreams are in control
I’m always happy and my heart never stole
Life is perfect and it all works out
Reality is something I live without.

I’ve got “the boy”, the ladies pay attention
The “good job” grades & what is detention
High on a pedestal daydreaming away
All my wishes, all my way.

But I snap back to reality if you tap or you call
Every time you push me, you push and I fall.


       Who Am I       Faith, Hope, Triumph and Tragedy        Oncology       This Curse

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