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Alternate Reality

What did I do wrong? Why does my life always get f**d over? Why is it that all my dreams always fall to pieces? ....All these thoughts ran rapidly through my head as the glass bottle containing my special dried flowers crashed to the floor of my bedroom.

Memories can be good things, and sometimes when it's over they are all you have left. I was blessed with an extremely vivid memory which I am grateful for, but every time the glass shatters I remember what I lost over 10 years ago, all the times the glass has shattered and all the struggles of faith that the sun will shine again for me. I get angry because all I can seem to think of are the times I had everything, but was too blind to see it, and how it was taken from me, and now at times I feel I have nothing.

Alternate Reality

A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill

Mom I wish I could be that dancer
I wish I never heard of cancer
I wish I was that girl everyone wants to be
I wish the ones who are closest weren’t the ones to leave.
I wish we could just pick up the phone
I wish I didn’t feel so alone.

I wish you could just love me faults and all
Every yell is a push, you push and I fall
Fall into reality, this haunting depression
Into tears & pain and my obsession.

I live in a world where my dreams are in control
I’m always happy and my heart never stole
Life is perfect and it all works out
Reality is something I live without.
I’ve got “the boy”, the ladies pay attention
The “good job” grades & what is detention
High on a pedestal daydreaming away
All my wishes, all my way.

But I snap back to reality if you tap or you call
Every time you push me, you push and I fall.

       Who Am I       Faith, Hope, Triumph and Tragedy        Oncology       This Curse

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