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It's Not Love

A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill

It’s not love if I hate you back
You can’t play me off like your money stack,
You can’t lose something you never had
You can’t hold something you can’t grab.

You can’t buy my love it doesn’t come with a price
You can’t get it from just being nice,
You gotta get down in the dirt, get your hands stained
Because it’s not real ‘till you feel the pain.

You can’t force me to feel something I don’t
You can’t make me do something I won’t,
You can’t force me to feel something that’s not real
Because I don’t love you and that’s how I feel.

These feelings of hate are not going to change
Because that chance we had is out of range,
It’s across the park and over the fence
That chance you had, it’s past tense.

You had 15 years and now time is up
I gave you my patience; I’m not waiting no more I give up,
It’s all over and it’s all on you
Because I can’t make you do something you can’t do.

Seems love is not in you all there is is yourself
Well fuck you then I don’t need your help,
I survived so far, I’ll be just fine
It’s not my fault your out of time.

You’re fucked up and that’s no fault of mine
It’s your own fault your out of line,
Try now you’re hardest but I don’t give a fuck
Because it’s too late your out of luck.

I’m not a baby no more I don’t have to take your shit
I don’t care about you, so you can fucking deal with it,
I was never good enough, I’m just not right
Well I’ll remember that when I make it in life.

       Who Am I       Faith, Hope, Triumph and Tragedy        Oncology       This Curse

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