A Childhood Cancer Survivor Novel
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill
My name is Christine and I am a 15-year-old childhood cancer survivor. I thought that after I was discharged from the hospital everything would be normal or even sort of normal, but that’s not how this story goes. You see, somewhere through all this my soul has been scared and a curse cast upon myself, a curse I will take to my grave.
My story begins at the age of three in the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO).
I saw the tears in my mother’s eyes and the concern on my father’s face. I had no idea why or what was happening. “What’s going on momma?” I asked her. She didn’t reply, she just held my hand and started to cry.
Who Am I
When we found out that I had ALL, (acute lymphoblastic leukemia) my family members tried to explain to me what was going to happen, but I know now that nothing in the entire world could prepared me for what was about to happen.
Less than 40% chance is not what anyone would have hoped for. But you can’t change the odds; you can only fight against them and I promised myself to keep on fighting until I was just like everyone else again, until I could wake up in my own bed and run free without that stupid IV. No matter how painful a struggle no matter how long, I would have fought to eternity to be healthy again.
I was just a young child when I was first diagnosed with leukemia, a young girl whose fate would have brought her to the grave, but look at me now. I am standing here in front of you and although I may be far different from all of you on the outside, I am still a person on the inside. My physical scars in time will heal, but my emotional scars will remain forever.
I Am a Rainbow
The Suns Warming Glow
In Your Heart
A New Day
I Live a Lie
This Little Song of Mine
I Once was Lost
Dreams, Wishes and Nightmares
In our dreams the world is more perfect than it seems.
You Push and I Fall
The Man From Everywhere but Here
What if Faith is not Enough?
ENTER THE REALM
Alice in Wonderland
Dreams are Crushed
Poems of Faith, Hope, Triumph and Tragedy
My world became a dark place and the only way I could get out my emotions was with poetry. I wrote many poems, some about faith, depression, pain, life, hope and poems about and death.
Welcome to the CHEO oncology ward.
All I had ever wanted as a child was to be loved and accepted. There was only one place I had ever felt equal and that was the fourth floor of CHEO where I was treated as a patient with leukemia. That was the one place I never looked at myself in the mirror and felt I didn’t belong. When I was there it was the only time I was not the only bald headed three year old with a hole in my chest. I was one of many little children fighting for life. In that hospital I found all the love and care I could ever ask for.
Because I Never Gave Up on Me
What If Faith is Not Enough?
I Can Only Take So Much
Bury Me a Stranger
The Curse Christine refers to are the side effects and late effects of her radiation treatment. Some types of childhood cancer and certain treatments used to treat childhood cancer can affect a child’s ability to learn.
How can you put faith in something that has betrayed you like radiation? I always had faith in God and he has never betrayed me so how can I put my life in the hands of the demon that is already killing me? I don't know how I did it but with God on my side I shook hands and made peace with my demon. I trust him again. It seems crazy knowing I won't know for at least six months if it really did work and I'll never know how long I have before my cancer strikes back, but there is no way I am giving up now, I have come so far and been through so much, I don't care what I have to do, this girl isn't going down!
What girls will do just to get ahead
Don’t you wish you stayed at home in bed,
Lies, deceit, back stabbing bitches
Two faced, heartless, tell it all snitches.
What Girls Will Do
It's Not About Me
We'll Make It Together
I See Your Soul
You Push and I Fall
It's Not Love
Baby It's Over
Being a Teen
So Now I Lay Me Down to Cry
Life is One Tough Pill to Swallow
Over the years I’ve learned;
to laugh, to love, to sing, to smile, to dance, to win
to lose, to fail, to pain, to hate, to cry, to wallow,
I’ve learned that life is one tough pill to swallow.
Life Is One Tough Pill To Swallow
What is Love
Life is Hard
How Lies can Stab Like a Knife
It's Never Going to be Alright
Life Just Isn't Fair
Walking, talking, socializing,
Head high, low key, Tense, Agitated,
Shaking, trembling, pounding,
Other Stories and Poems
People ask if I was afraid to die
I’d take my finger and point to the sky,
I’d say the day that star up there is gone
That is the day that I will move on.