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So Now I lay Me Down to Cry

A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill

As the sounds of my music fill my mind
The words for my anger I cannot find,
As the tears fill my eyes
My broken heart I can't disguise.

I stand strong
But only for so long.

My insides are splitting at the seams
You stabbed a knife through my heart & shattered my dreams.
You tell me not to cry, it will be okay
How can you understand if you've never been tortured this way,
Don't hold my hand and tell me it will be alright
While you lay soundly, I cry myself to sleep every night.

The path seems foggy in my blurry sight
I won this battle before but I don't know how long I can fight,
My eyes are swollen
My heart is broken.

Like sand, the grains of my faith are slipping through my fingers
I'm being pulled under by blocks of cinder,
Going under the oceans of depression
Drowning in the constant fight for my obsession.

My desire is to be normal, just to be wanted
I'd try with all my heart, just to be teased and taunted,
As soon as things seem to go my way
Another bomb drops and I'm cast astray.

Everything in life just seems so unfair
Some struggle endlessly while others coast without care.

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