A Childhood Cancer Survivor Poem
© 2016 Christine Mulvihill
Confidence is something I seem to lack
The weight of what others think sits there on my back,
There’s nothing I can cling to to make it go away
Mirrors are my worst enemy when I think I look okay.
My face becomes hot, I think I’m going to cry
Now I don’t want to be center of attention I think I’d rather die,
Just think what they could be thinking or what they might say
Rather than take the chance I think I’ll walk away.
I’d rather be by myself and just blend in with the crowd
Times like this I keep my mouth shut, I’ll be noticed if I’m loud,
I’ll just sit in my desk quietly until 2:30
Then I’ll race to my locker and it will just be me.
But I am the worst out of all the people who think
I scan every compliment and analyse every wink,
I don’t know why I let all the things get to me
What happened to the beauty I used to see,
The beauty of what I was, no matter what anyone thought
Now’s a faded memory all the positive I forgot,
Now when I walk down the halls I glue my eyes to the floor
And I try not to get stuck holding open the door.
I know it must seem sad how I torture myself
But what others think first and myself on the shelf,
I wish I had more confidence and didn’t care what others think
Maybe then I wouldn’t consider myself the weakest link.
I wish people would think before they acted and wouldn’t break my chain
If people could think about the outcome then I wouldn’t be in so much pain,
I wouldn’t think about what I wear and that I stick out from the crowd
I wouldn’t have to think twice if I wanted to be loud,
I could be as free as the sky above me & the sea below
Than if I’d never think because I wouldn’t know.
If you could support me and not criticize my style
Maybe then I could return it with a smile.